So you wake up. Or you don’t. You look around, groggy. Bleary-eyed.
“Where the fuck is my cell?” you think.
You search your pockets. Not there. You search your coat pockets. Not there. You look on the floor. In cabinets. Under papers on your desk. In the cushions of your couch. In your freezer. Yes, in the freezer. Don’t deny you’ve looked in your freezer. We know you have, at one point, and if you haven’t, then shame on you. Searching for things can yield untold riches.
Just yesterday we found $40 in a suit jacket lying in the gutter. No one had worn it in years. This fact was obvious due to the dried bird droppings spattered on its lapel. Glory can be yours, oh treasure-hunter. But this isn’t about glory, or riches, or vindication. This is about finding your cell phone. Of course, it’s really not a cell phone at this point, it’s most likely a digital phone, but we won’t play semantic games, because you are only reading this to find your phone.
Here’s the best way that we’ve found.
Go to Where’s My Cellphone? and put in your number. Sure, we’re suspicious by nature. We don’t like putting our numbers into those ghastly text boxes, either. But go ahead and do it, and reap the rewards. Your cell will ring within a shake of a lamb’s tail, better known by physicists as 10 nanoseconds.
We’ve found it twice this way. If you don’t lose your cell, you’re one of the lucky ones, or you haven’t damaged your mammillary bodies. Either or, we’d say. Regardless, just think of it this way. If we would put our number into those halls of speculation, you can too. After all, if we ever receive a marketing call within 30 days from doing so, we’d make sure that admin paid the price. Save you the worry. Get us?
What We’re Doing About It: Nothing. This service is may very well be a sleeper lumberhulk attempting to help us. Finding cell phones in the new world will be of utmost importance, and this service a prime way to do so.
